meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
