woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
