I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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