That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
