I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
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When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
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Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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