I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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