Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I looked at my own cervix.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
