we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
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there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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