did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
