you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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