gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
