Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize