my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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