i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
