question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
