I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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