Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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