1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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