Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
