if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm passing your future prison.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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