She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He did a backflip because drugs
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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