not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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