The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Come on in and take your pants off
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