I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
