My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
