Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
