your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
