I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
