The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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