You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
