my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
