I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
