if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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