So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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