glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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