If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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