I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
