Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
