I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
