I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
