a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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