I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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