Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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