Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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