im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
