maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i came on her dog
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
