You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
