I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
