i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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