i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.