Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green