Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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