God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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