Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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