I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
