After last night, I could never be a politician.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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