Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
