i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm at about main and main street
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
