It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
