So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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