My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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