Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
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you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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