I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
