I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
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the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
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The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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